Frivolous
by StackofStories
Summary: Percy has an awkward conversation with Jason and Nico. Completely silly and random.


**This was supposed to be a Jason and Nico fic, but it didn't work out that way. Its really silly and random, and I really wasn't thinking of a solid plot when I was writing this. It was a lazy afternoon morning; I own no part of the PJO franchise. This is unbeta'd again and I apologize for any major mistakes that hinder any reading ability. This isn't really a pairing based story, but if you have a problem with any mentions of gay sex, skip over that part, please.**

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**Frivolous**

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Percy finally opened his apartment door, having had to picklock the damn lock for ten minutes because two certain idiots wouldn't pick up their cell or answer his frantic cries to open the fucking door. The black-haired teen grumbled, stomping into his crappy two-bedroom apartment. He kicked the door closed since his arms were laden with groceries for the week.

He snarked under his breath as he made his way into the living room, thinking the two demigods would be there enraptured with the Xbox 360, or fighting over the remote as it was usual for them to do so. Percy entered the living room, prepared to give the boys a chiding they'd never forget, only to find the living room empty.

He dropped the grocery bags in a small corner, his sea-green eyes widening. Percy scooted around the black nightstand to view the bright blue loveseat. It hadn't been sat in. At all! The remote was lying in between the two cushions, oddly cold. Percy went over to the television, bending down to where the Xbox was sitting. He poked the black machine almost gasping at how cool it felt. So, they hadn't been playing with it either. The two controllers (one was white decorated in blue lightning stickers, the other a solid black plastered in white skull stamps) sat on the carpet, they too laid untouched.

Percy frowned. He stood back up, retracing his steps back to the front door. Instead of going straight to the living room, Percy turned a sharp left where the bedrooms and bathroom were located. The bathroom was directly down the hall while the two bedrooms were across from each other. Of course, since Percy paid most of the rent and he was caretaker of the two demigods while camp wasn't in summer session he got a room all to himself. Jason and Nico had to share. Opening the door on the right, Percy poked his head into the bedroom surreptitiously. He gasped at the sight before him, pushing the door open loudly.

"What the?!" he said in shock.

The two beds were messy, and dirty clothes were strewn all over the floor. Did he not tell them to clean up this bedroom before he got home? It was such a small and menial task. Percy placed his hands on his hips. All Jason and Nico were required to do was go to school and do homework. Percy only asked they clean up their room and messes. It wasn't even a chore. How hard was it to put your underwear in the hamper or hang a shirt up on a hanger?

Exactly, Percy tapped his foot agitatedly, it was not hard at all. Oh, when he found out where the teens disappeared off too he would have words. Harsh words. Percy thought he might even uncap Riptide, wave it around a couple of times, just to add effect.

The son of Poseidon backed out of the room, slamming the door. So, they weren't in the living room nor were they in the bedroom. Where could they be? It was Saturday so, there wasn't any school. Percy knew for a fact the two couldn't be hunting monsters since Percy had made sure to live next to a particularly foul group of mortals. And not to say that Jason and Nico were antisocial beings with no lives, but they weren't exactly accepted at the high-school they went too, which was understandable. Camp Halfblood or Jupiter was out of the question since Annabeth, Reyna, Rachel, Hazel, or Piper would've contacted him if they were there. So where?

Percy thought about the various places where the boys could be, getting quite worried as the list narrowed down further and further. He swung by the living room to grab the groceries, and then, headed to the kitchen down yet another hallway from the living room. When he had first looked into this apartment he was surprised to see the kitchen with a door as an entrance, but the renter had said something about the previous owner being a paranoid man. Whatever.

Percy balanced the bags in one hand while using the other hand to twist the doorknob. Just as he was about to open the door, Nico's raspy voice filtered through along with Jason's. Now Percy was no eavesdropper, but he kinda wanted to know what they were doing in the kitchen since both boys rarely went in there unless meals were being served. Percy activated his super awesome demigod stealth mode, opening the kitchen door to a crack whilst sliding down to the floor to listen.

"Stop being a baby. We've had enough preparation," Nico snapped, "put it in."

"Soo… impatient Neeks," Jason said teasingly. There was a shuffle of movement and pleased sigh from both Nico and Jason. Percy was tempted to peek inside the kitchen when Nico began to talk again.

"Do I have to guide you through everything?" Nico growled after a few minutes. "Start moving."

"But Nico, what if I hurt…?" Jason inquired uncertainly, a little out of character from the confident guy Percy knew he was.

"Do I look like some fragile doll, Grace? You won't break me. So, please, start moving before I do your job for you," Nico said. Percy could detect the hint of a smirk in the ghost prince's voice.

"Ok…" Jason trailed off and Percy could hear distinct rocking noises. What were those rocking noises? It kinda sounded like the table clicking against the tile floor. Peculiar. Before long Percy heard harsh panting coming from Jason, and was that a moan from Nico? Nico moaning? That was unheard of!

"Faster, Jason… Yes… Jaaason!" Nico practically yelled.

Percy blanched. What were they doing in there?

"You like that?" Jason questioned breathlessly. A particular harsh clack of the tiles and high-pitched yelp followed his words. "You're fucking dirty boy! Always begging… always ready for me…"

Percy shifted, feeling very uncomfortable. He really, really, really hoped he was hearing this whole conversation wrong.

"Shit! Don't stop, Jay… Yes!" There was Nico again. Percy's tanned hands flew up to his messy hair. He had to get away before they finished. Yes, he was going to do just that. Percy jumped up, running away from the kitchen. At that point he didn't care if the boys found out he was listening in on them, he needed to go!

"Who do you belong too?"

Percy moved faster. He did not need be around to hear that answer.

Forty-five minutes of panicking, self-pitying, worrying, and bouts of tears Percy finally gathered his wits when Jason and Nico entered the living room. Nico sat on right side of the blue loveseat turning on the tv to the AV channel. Jason, on the other hand, bended down to press the silver button for the Xbox to power it up and grabbed their controllers. He returned to the sofa, seating on the left, wordlessly handing Nico's controller to him. They both sat in silence, seemingly unaware of Percy's presence.

It took Percy a total of minute and thirty seconds to grab their attention with the trick of clearing his throat noisily. Nico paused the game, raising an eyebrow at the young adult, "Yes?"

Percy cleared his throat yet again, knitting his eyebrows together. "It has recently come to my attention that you two have been involved in sexual activities," he started, trying (and failing) to sound serious.

"Uh, Percy, I hate to burst your bubble but if you're talking about masturbating then I've been doing it since I was thirteen. I'm sorry if you walk —"

"No!" Percy's eyes widened. "We're not talking about that. Shut up! I don't wanna hear it!"

Jason nodded, holding his hands up in surrender. Meanwhile, Nico looked at the two demigods quizzically. Masturbating? What in Hades' name were they talking about? He slowly raised a hand to gain Percy's notice. Percy sent a glare at the spawn of Jupiter before turning to Nico, sending a pleasant smile to the youngest demigod. "What is it? You don't have to raise your hand, you know."

"What's masturbating?" the son of Hades asked bluntly.

"What?" Percy said, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. Maybe it was better if he didn't have this talk with the boys. Perhaps, he should Iris message Will or Annabeth for this sort of thing.

"Whoa!" Jason glanced at Nico. "You really don't know?"

"Obviously!" Nico spat, a bit irritated that Percy hadn't answered his question. He was beginning to regret pausing his game for all this sexual talk. He wanted to kill zombies.

"Well, Neeks, its when you have that primal urge, to you know…" Jason waved a hand. Nico stared at him confused. Percy facepalmed; oh dear Gods above.

"Stop it, Jason! You're a sexual deviant. How dare you take advantage of poor innocent Nico when he doesn't even know what masturbating is," that comment earned a deadly glare and hiss from the demigod in question, "and coerce him into satisfying your evil lust!" Percy said, accusatory. He pointed a shaking finger at the blond teen, tutting.

"Innocent? Coerce? Evil lust? What'chu you talkin' bout, Percy?"

"You had sex with Nico!" Percy exploded.

Jason and Nico stared at Percy in surprise. "Percy! _Are you out of your mind!_? I didn't have sex with Nico," Jason said hurriedly.

"Yes, you did. I heard you two in the kitchen like an hour ago!"

"What? No!" Jason defended.

"Don't lie to me, mister. I will take away your game-playing privileges and IM Thalia, right now." Percy threatened, crossing his arms. Jason shook his head rapidly.

"You heard it all wrong! We were doing something for the Aphrodite/Venus and Eros/Cupid kids. They asked us to do something and we did it in exchange for lots of money, and a promise to leave our love-life alone. We're," Jason pointed to himself and an expressionless Nico, "tired of being set up on random dates whenever we go to camp!"

"So, what were you guys doing exactly?" Percy fired, still not trusting that they weren't having sex.

"Shaking the table and recording our voices," Jason answered. He brought out a small black tape-recorder and pressed play; Nico's voice starting to fill the room. Percy blushed, waving for Jason to turn it off.

Jason grinned awkwardly, putting the device away in his back pocket. "See. I told you."

Percy nodded. He felt very stupid right now. That was what he got for jumping to conclusions. Satisfied, Percy nodded to the boys, arising from his sea-blue armchair. Percy was going to finally put the groceries up (thankfully he brought nothing that needed to be refrigerated or frozen), but Nico raised his hand yet again. "Yes, Nico?"

"You haven't answered my question and because of that I have more questions," Nico grumbled, a dark expression crossing his adorable facial features.

"Mhmm?"

"What's masturbating and how does sex between two men work?"

Jason gaped. Percy, well, he wished he hadn't picklocked the door.


End file.
